OH. MY. GOODNESS.

Sorry, folks, but I'm trying to clean up my language for my niece's sake. Lol.

I can't believe how stupid the world is getting. We've got a group of idiots who weren't elected trying to take over the Canadian government, a bunch of rich auto companies begging for taxpayer funded bailouts and a stock market with schizophrenia. So here's my advice:

1. If you lose an election, suck it up. No one in this country is going to vote for a whiner and VOTING is how we elect our governments. It's called a democracy - look it up.

2. If you want tax payer dollars to help you out, publish the salaries, bonuses and expense account figures for all your employees, starting with the CEO. Mismanagement starts at the top, not the bottom. (I know a lot of companies that aren't in the auto sector that could use this advice...)

3. Ride it out. Things may look bad now, but we all know things always get better. And if you're not hurting as badly as some others, make a donation. You can always bank on karma.

Tender Is The Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald

This is only the second Fitzgerald novel that I've actually read. Of course, The Great Gatsby was required reading in 11th grade and while I appreciated the skill and passion with which the book was written I really didn't enjoy it. I reread it a few years ago and if anything I liked it even less. I have to admit that this made me feel a bit forlorn, as if I was missing out on something really great. But after reading Tender Is The Night I think I've figured out what the problem is.

I don't think Fitzgerald's writing is meant to be dissected and analysed in the way that's required of an English class. I enjoyed Tender Is The Night and I believed my enjoyment stemmed from the fact that I was able to pick it up and put it down whenever I pleased. It took me almost two weeks to read the book (which is unheard of for me), because I took my time. I wasn't scouring the pages for hidden symbols or themes or anything else that I could put into an essay. I was able to just fall into the story and let the characters show me the way. And it was a great experience.

So, this will henceforth be a lesson that I have learned: some authors require a softer touch when I'm reading their work. Their stories will not be rushed and in forcing the issue I risk missing the point.

We don't need another holiday

I recently heard on the radio that more and more Canadians aren't aware of the significance of Remembrance Day. I was disgusted by this fact, but I was even more disgusted when I heard that there's a debate going on about whether Remembrance Day should be a national holiday. I'm sorry, but we're going to celebrate on a day that's meant for solemn reflection? It's hard to believe that Canadians have become so crass that we'll use Remembrance Day to try to get a day off work. I'm sure that there are many people in this country that would take the opportunity to attend a public memorial service, but what about those who don't know what we're supposed to be remembering? Every year there are fewer who remember and more who have forgotten or who just don't care.

So do our veterans a favour - take a few moments today to remember the past, spend half an hour educating yourself on the significance of this day and make sure your children are in school learning about those who came before us. Sacrifice a bit of time, don't ask that time be sacrificed for you.

The Time Traveler's Wife by Audrey Niffenegger

Some day in the future some incredibly brilliant scientist just might figure out how to travel through time. This scientist could choose to travel to those moments that have defined the entire human race...or he or she could simply choose to go back to those moments that have defined his or her own life. In Henry's case, he has no choice in the matter. He pops back and forth between his past and his present, occasionally making a stop in the future, without any kind of warning. He arrives at his destination in time without clothing, money or any idea of how long he's going to be there. It may sound kind of fun, but the results are sometimes tragic and often painful.

Henry's saving grace, the one thing that allows him to keep his sanity, is his wife, Claire. Claire meets Henry for the first time when she is six and he is 36. But the first time Henry meets Claire, she is 20 and he is 28. Sound confusing? Well, only for the first few chapters and then you get used to it. There's no such thing as linear timeline in this novel, but Henry and Claire seem to beckon you on, encouraging you to keep reading, to find out where this is going. It's a bit of a bumpy ride at times, but in the end the extra effort is worth it.

The plot of this novel is like an intricately designed web. Although the events of the story don't follow each other one after another they are all connected, sometimes in ways that the reader won't discover for hundreds of pages. I can't imagine how challenging it must have been to write this book and I applaud Audrey Niffenegger for even attempting it. And I'm in awe of the fact that not only did she attempt it, but she wrote an incredible book filled with wonderful characters.

I'm Starting Over!

I've been inspired to go back to blogging. I have NO idea what this blog is going to turn into. I figure it's going to be several things - a book review site, a place to post my fave photographs and maybe a space to complain about the rest of the world. I'm very good at complaining.

Speaking of which, I have to say that while I'm thrilled that Barack Obama is going to be the next President of the "free world" (ahem), I'm a lot less thrilled about what happened with Proposition 8. As a matter of fact, I'm downright pissed off. And I'm even more pissed off about the fact that everyone in the world is celebrating what they believe will be the dawn of a nicer, kinder, more tolerant US when the civil rights of tens thousands of Americans are being infringed upon. Can we all wake up now? Would that be all right?

It's time to put away the champagne, folks, and realize that electing Obama is NOT the end of inequality. It's also time for all those bigots out there to get over themselves and stop being threatened by anyone who is different. Maybe we should all try a little harder to treat others the way we'd like to be treated.

Bikini Blues

After a completely futile and depressing trip to Winners to look at bathing suits, I've decided to write a post that will help women everywhere find that most elusive of things - a flattering bikini. I'd like to start by listing some simple rules that I like to keep in mind while trying on two-piece suits:

1. At no point should the crack of your ass be visible. Low rise bikini bottoms are obviously for women who have abnormal butts. If you're planning on sitting down while you're on the beach, you should consider a high rise bikini bottom. If you're planning on doing any kind of gymnastics on the beach, you should consider a one piece. If your butt crack shows while you're standing up, for God's sake, get another suit!

2. The bottom half of your boobs should not fall out of the bottom of the bikini top. If you are no longer wearing a training bra or have not recently had breast augmentation surgery, you probably don't want to wear a string bikini top - it's like trying to balance a grapefruit on dental floss.

3. The top half of your boobs should not squeeze out of the top of the bikini top. If you notice this, you should grab a larger size. (Ditto for any part of your butt that squeezes out of your bikini bottoms...)

4. Repeat after me: "Thongs are NOT an option!"

I think most women can appreciate the pain I went through. The first suit fit fine on the bottom, but the top was held together with dental floss and my boobs were falling out. The second suit gave me a serious case of plumber's butt, so I didn't even bother with the top half. The third suit was actually supposed to be in the teens' section but I only saw the "medium" tag on the hanger and didn't notice. (I may need therapy to deal with this one...) And the last one would have been perfect if I was in the habit of wearing diapers under my suit. It was nice to find one that was too big for a change, though.

So, my most important piece of advice for women looking for a flattering bikini: give yourself at least three months to find one. Spend an afternoon trying some on and then give yourself a week to recover. That week off will give you time to regain your self confidence and do some last minute stomach crunches. Other than that, make sure you have your closest friends on speed dial so you can get moral support if you accidentally pick up a bathing suit from the teens' section!

Michelle

My Mother's Wedding Dress

Everyone, male or female, has had a piece of clothing that they love. It could be an old rock t-shirt that's perfect for lazy afternoons or a pair of high heels that make you feel like a supermodel. Justine Picardie's My Mother's Wedding Dress explores the impact that certain items of clothing have had on her life. It may seem like a pretty shallow topic at first glance, but Picardie uses her memories to explore her family history and even to examine certain literary heroines.

I was afraid that this book might be "more style than substance" but I have to say that I was pleasantly surprised. Picardie spent time working at Vogue and has interviewed some of the fashion industry's biggest stars. But instead of writing about the designs they created, she writes about the impressions that she had of the designers themselves. Helmut Lang, for example, tells her that he tries to add something "angelic" to every line of clothing he does. His face lights up when Picardie tells him that a jacket he designed reminds her of wings. And Donatella Versace, the woman who took over her brother's empire, has "a truly haunted look about her." For once, it's possible to see that the artists behind some of fashion's most flamboyant styles are actually human beings.

Clothes have always played an important part in literature, especially for heroines. In Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre for example, Jane turns down a wardrobe of rich, luxurious gowns for the plain, simple dresses that she feels are more appropriate. Picardie explores even more examples in Daphne Dumaurier's Rebecca, Truman Capote's Breakfast At Tiffany's and even Great Expectations by Charles Dickens. (Everyone remembers Miss Havisham's rotting, yellowed wedding dress!) I'd never spent too much time analyzing the clothing in these novels, so it was fascinating to read Picardie's theories on the importance of certain outfits.

My Mother's Wedding Dress is a combination of memoir, literary criticism and celebrity gossip magazine. The book itself is a great example of how clothing can become a link between all sorts of different things, including book genres. While this book obviously isn't all that literary and it definitely won't be remembered as a classic, it's a great way to spend a rainy afternoon.

Michelle